that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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