I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
He passed out mid-signature
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
send nudes
from the living room?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
