I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
this boner is exhausting
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
