Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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