if only i could text you this smell
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
