get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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