So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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