____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
me + whiskey = a bad person
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
