She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
