im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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