There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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