I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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