you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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