CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
