Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
