K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
