so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
