I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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