theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
