And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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