I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
