I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
