I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
