Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
