You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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