Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
third nipple confirmed
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
