...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
