Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
