Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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