so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
