he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
