i think my tv is drunk
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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