My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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