Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
