Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
