I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
