She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
