why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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