I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
