if you like me you must not know who I am
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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