I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
