Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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