I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
