you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
