we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
