You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
