i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
