well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
