I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
