Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
