i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
